Keeping up with the Saunderses

I grew up watching the news. Every morning, Mommie Dearest would watch the Channel 5 News while making sure that my little brothers and I got ready for school. I wouldn't say I was well-informed, because at 7 years old, "The impeachment hearings for President Clinton's alleged affair with a White House intern will go ahead as planned" doesn't mean a whole lot. I was more interested in the adventures of Thomas the Tank Engine, and the runaway Asian children on Pokemon.

Anyway, in this day and age, I feel like there's tons to keep up with. Especially with all the new media, anything and everything is news. I find it very tough to keep track of! For example, I've yet to memorize all of the key members of President Obama's cabinet. The day that President Obama was caught on tape calling Kanye West a jackass, the woman sitting behind him gave him a terrified look.

We discussed this in my Communications Seminar class.

"Did you see the look that chick gave Obama?!" I asked.

The professor looked at me, dumbfounded. "That chick?"

"Yeah, you know, the one who was sitting behind him!"

"You mean the Speaker of the House? 3rd in line for the Presidency?" he corrected me.

"Yeah, her! She hardcore judged him!"

I may not be articulate, but I make my point.

Anyway, I've been noticing that entertainment news and gossip are slowly but surely permeating the regular news. So not only do you get your daily dose of politics and crime, but you also get to keep up on which socialite is showing off her snatch this week.

Personally, I love celebrity news. It's interesting, and you can judge them without feeling bad. Win-win for the judgmental queer boy.

What cracks me up about it is how some people are so out of touch with the news. And how some people don't follow what's going on in the world, but they know exactly what the Kardashians are up to. Or they're so wrapped up in politics and crime, that all they can talk about is how hard the world is and can't talk about pop culture in a social situation.

Every Halloween at my job, the management staff lets the employees dress up in costume.

"Liam, I wanna go as Swine Flu!" I announced. In my head, the idea for the costume was perfect: It's a current issue in America, the idea and execution are hilarious (Pig ears, a breathing mask and a pink shirt), everyone will get a kick out of it!

"Corey," the boss said sternly, "you CAN'T be Swine Flu! What if someone came in the store who had been affected by it? What if one of their loved ones died?"

I really have no compassion for people who can't take a joke.

I went home that night, where Mommie Dearest and I discussed my costume conundrum. I mentioned that I had also pitched going as Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. But my co-workers dismissed the idea as too esoteric.

"Coah," my mom started in, "that's insane! Some people are so out of touch with what's going on in the world! Like, there are people at work who don't watch the news. I don't get it! How can you not know who Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are? They're in the news all the time!"

ummm.